How to ask for forgiveness and save your dignity?

How to ask for forgiveness and save your dignity?

Each of us makes mistakes. And sometimes we hurt the people we really love and care about. In order not to spoil relationships, it is very important to ask for forgiveness in time. Let’s understand how to do it correctly.

Why is it difficult to ask for forgiveness?

Surprisingly, many of us find it incredibly difficult to ask for forgiveness. It kind of undermines our sense of dignity. Although the fact itself is paradoxical: after all, if we have offended someone, why does such pride awaken in us?

Here are the main reasons why it is so hard to apologize:

  • Fear of taking responsibility, because we assume that an apology will be followed by some kind of penalty;
  • A sense of shame sometimes makes it impossible to take a step toward reconciliation;
  • In romantic relationships, partners can be driven by fear of losing their positions. For example, a man is afraid to lose authority and leadership, and a woman can not tame her pride;
  • Fear of being rejected also slows us down, because we do not know whether the person will forgive us, and we do not want to hear rejection.

What is the right way to ask for forgiveness?

  1. If you do decide to call a truce, the first thing you should do is sincerely repent for your actions, admit your guilt, but first of all not to the one whom you offended, but to yourself. According to psychologist Elizabeth Hyde, it is necessary so that the words of apology sound sincere, not fake;
  2. Then you should prepare a speech. Formulate clearly what exactly you are going to apologize to the person. Focus on his feelings, not on your own;
  3. Next you should directly proceed to active actions. Psychologists strongly recommend not dragging out an argument for more than a day. After this time interval there is an emotional estrangement, so a truce will be extremely problematic.

As for the choice of place to apologize, the most important thing is that you should be alone with the person, without witnesses.

How to ask for forgiveness and save your dignity?

5 magic phrases that will definitely work

To make peace with a person and make sure that he forgives you and does not hold resentment and anger, we recommend using 5 magic phrases that will definitely work in a quarrel:

  • I’m sorry“. In doing so, you are expressing regret;
  • I was wrong / made a mistake“. This confirms the fact that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions;
  • What can I do to make things right?“. This phrase indicates your willingness to make amends;
  • I will do my best to make sure it doesn’t happen again“. These words demonstrate your sincere remorse and awareness of guilt;
  • Please forgive me“. This phrase expresses your willingness to ask for forgiveness.

How to apologize when you are very guilty?

Sometimes the wrong apology can only worsen the relationship and lead to even greater conflict. To avoid this, take the advice of psychologists:

  1. Do not be too verbose, or any phrase you can hurt the person again, and the truce will turn into a continuation of the showdown;
  2. Give your partner time to think about what you’re saying, to make a decision. Do not ask him to forgive you here and now. Be patient;
  3. Do not engage in self-humiliation. If you think that the man knows that you are punishing yourself in the shower, you are very mistaken. Do not confuse self-humiliation with apologizing. You need to be specific about what you are apologizing for and why. This is important;
  4. In response to an apology, you may hear accusations. This is a kind of revenge the person, his negative emotions accumulated during your quarrel. Do not take it personally and do not pay attention to such feedback. Listen in silence to everything that a person will tell you, but do not enter into a discussion;
  5. If you are strongly guilty in front of the person, then offer some kind of compensation, and real, not just words. This can be a gift, a thing that the person has long dreamed of, joint attendance at this or that event, etc. It all depends on exactly with whom you had a quarrel.

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