“I’m lonely, what to do”: Non-trivial tips

“I’m lonely, what to do”: Non-trivial tips

Today the Internet is overflowing with advertisements for sites that offer a variety of methods to get married quickly. The cost of such online courses is usually quite tangible for the wallet. And as a rule it is completely useless.

The situation with books is not better. Relevant literature is printed and sold in huge quantities. Books are not that expensive, but the content of the books is usually limited to trivial advice about how to lose weight and expand your social circle. At best, readers are at least advised to work on their self-esteem.

But what really helps? Here some non-trivial tips.

Reconsider your views and attitudes

To begin with, don’t despair. Loneliness is not as bad as people think. Nowadays, at the 21st century, a woman’s position no longer depends on her husband’s position. A woman can live as she likes and not give anyone an account of that, but almost everyone who has not found a partner feels unwanted and unfulfilled.

The second point is the strategy of search for your soul mate. There are objective factors that prevent successful marriage, and there are subjective ones. Paradoxically, the objective factors are easier to change for yourself personally. Let me explain:

  • The objective factor is a lack of men who are marriageable. You’re already tempted to ask: “What do I do if I’m single because of unfair statistics?”. The answer is simple: look beyond your own country;
  • You think you can’t handle the competition? This is where subjective factors are important. The ability to communicate, the ability to love and care, a willingness to change, and the desire to fall in love.

The fact is that no matter how much one talks about the value of this or that person in the “marriage market”, a love relationship is always a process subject to chance. We are not at the stock exchange, where accurate quotes are constantly changing and participants are always focused on profit. People tend to have prejudices and stereotypes about reality that can be used.

For example:

  • Spanish women are mostly hot and passionate;
  • English women are mostly smart and polite;
  • American women are mostly beautiful and uninhibited and so on.

I do not know what country you are from, but believe me a certain stereotype foreigners have about your women too, even if it’s a small island. Use it, and it doesn’t matter that in your case both are controversial.

Remember: love is not at all about what you like when making a first impression. It is enough just to attract the attention of an interesting man, deep and meaningful conversation, and if you managed to cause feelings in him, he will already stop comparing. And your price in the “marriage market” will already be in the background.

On the contrary, the inability to communicate is the No. 1 cause of loneliness for most single women. As a family psychologist, I often hear: “I’m lonely because I’m unsociable, what can I do?”. My answer is: “You need to learn how to make new acquaintances. And start training it is better not on men, but on women”.

It is worth remembering that people of the opposite sex are not aliens, men and women may belong to the same type and give similar reactions in similar situations, regardless of gender. So try to find among the women the psycho-type with whom you feel easiest, and then (after making friends with at least five representatives of that psycho-type) look for a similar man.

Do not forget about the benefits of female friendship. It is not uncommon that new girlfriends try to introduce you to free men in a sincere desire to help. So you solve two problems at once.

Sometimes I hear other objections. For example: “Because of my inability to love I am lonely, what to do”. My answer is as follows: “The ability to love is developed from childhood, in the family. If you haven’t seen good examples of love, you will be difficult. But it is possible”.

First, you need to learn how to give care and love to strangers. Become a foster mom at an orphanage, join an organization that helps the homeless, make friends with mentally ill people who need support. Not only will this give you a new perspective on the world, but it will also prepare you for future relationships.

Second, learn not only to take, but also to give. This is difficult if you have not had a strong love, but it is a necessary skill, especially if you want to marry a foreigner. Why? Because in this case he is taking more risks than you and you have to balance the scales of your union with your care and love.

You have to be prepared for the fact that in any marriage women have to change their habits. There is one interesting exercise that helps you change more easily. You just need 2 hours a day to do the usual actions not your working hand, that is, a right-handed person – left hand, and vice versa. The advice is simple, but it helps.

What to do if you are left alone after a divorce or the death of a partner?

My advice: give yourself time to heal your wounds and don’t force yourself to look for someone just because everyone talks about the need to be married. Without the desire to fall in love, nothing will work out. A great many people don’t need to get married at all because of their nature.

And where do you look for a groom? The easiest way is on the Internet. Of course, you will have to search and communicate with many men, but there is no better way. And then you won’t have to worry about the question “I’m lonely, what to do”.


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