There is a parable among psychologists about a lady psychologist who could not understand what her client’s problems were. This very rich client, his name is Robert, he was consulting right in his office; he didn’t have time to visit the psychologist’s office. And eventually this Robert started showering there too; in his rich office, where everything was furnished just posh and comfortable. For him, of course.
And then he would walk around in front of this lady after his shower without his clothes on; getting dressed and wiped off in the process of counseling. Without any implication; he just didn’t think of her as a person. That’s how Roman matrons took baths in front of slaves. What’s the big deal?
The lady psychologist was taking the fees, and she couldn’t figure out what the problem was. Or she didn’t want to. She was more comfortable thinking that her client had some complex psychological complex. He is so paradoxical and complicated, this rich man Robert!
Although it’s obvious. This woman was not respected. That’s why you walked around without pants in front of her. And it’s a very simple and obvious sign that you are not respected.
There are other signs of disrespect for you:
- While talking to you they are distracted by correspondence or just reading something;
- They interrupt you and talk about something else. You stay with your mouth open, shutting up halfway through the conversation;
- They don’t dress normally. They take you in easily, while you’re still dressed, but in a bathrobe, for example. Or a dirty t-shirt. Or stretched out sweatpants, even though you are not close. And you have made an appointment in advance. And the person is not sick, quite healthy. He just doesn’t think there’s any point in dressing up for you. Shaving, combing his hair, or changing his clothes…;
- The man is chewing something. Talking to you and chewing. Or drinking tea without offering it to you. Although you can’t offer it on a video call, for example. Sipping from his mug. He’s clinking his spoon. Maybe, of course, he’s dying of thirst! But it’s still kind of uncomfortable…;
- A man is almost always late and “overdue” for time. Instead of the proper, say, 45 minutes, delays you by an hour or an hour and a half. And doesn’t even respond to direct mentions of running out of time;
- You feel uncomfortable, embarrassed for the other person. And you are looking for an excuse for his behavior, some kind of explanation, like that lady psychologist.
You know, there is a point in communicating in such a case, if you are paid so much that you are willing to put up with it. And you have no other source of income. Or you don’t care how you make money…
In other cases, you have to say you’re so uncomfortable. In every sense. Although even that is most of the time meaningless to say. Your feelings are of no interest to someone who is taking a bath in front of you.
You want to preserve your dignity – refuse contact. In any case, it is completely useless when it comes to training, business negotiations, or consulting. Where there is no respect, nothing good can happen. That’s the law.