Most of a person’s psychological problems stem from his or her childhood. Fears, worries and stresses of adolescence do not go away. They arouse in adulthood, prevent the construction of normal relationships, do not give a chance for successful development.
One of these problems is considered to be the good girl syndrome. Psychologists told our magazine what this concept means, what problems you may end up with and how you can get rid of the syndrome.
The essence of the term
Since childhood, the “right” behavior of a girl is reinforced by praise. According to many parents, their daughter should help the older, younger, take care of those around her. The more active the girl will be, the more rewards from parents she will receive. In this case, a fear of parental censure is formed.
Over time, this style of behavior only strengthens. The girl can no longer act for herself. She constantly needs to take care of someone, trying to win the praise of those around her.
What problems can the syndrome lead to?
In fact, there can be many problems. Girls with this syndrome are characterized by obedience. They are used to the fact that it is easier to agree with something and fulfill someone else’s request than to try to insert their own opinion and go against the imposed will.
Against the background of obedience, there is an increase in general passivity. Such ladies often become victims of all kinds of manipulators. They may understand the essence of a vis-a-vis, but they do nothing to fight for a better life. Fear of hurting someone’s feelings or facing accusations of laziness or selfishness makes them submit to the other person time after time.
Naturally, against this background, there are problems with self-esteem. A person stops living for himself. He begins to adjust to the judgment of others. Praise gives a burst of energy, censure plunges into depression. These girls often do not have their own opinion in nature.
Against this background, hypocrisy is gradually developing. The girl understands the perniciousness of the situation. She is disgusted by the requests of others and be at someone’s beck and call. However, childhood complexes and trauma force time and again to act in a negative scenario.
The result is logical. This complex can lead to a completely ruined life. A woman will devote all her time to someone, there will be no resources left for herself.
How to identify the problem?
Often women suffering from this syndrome have floating self-esteem. The lady needs some external stimulus or praise from others to accept herself. Such ladies tend to live by the rules and do not deviate from the norms under any circumstances. The slightest change provokes a tough internal conflict.
Girls with this syndrome try to please all the people around them. They cannot say “no. They often act to the detriment of their own interests. Ladies often have the strongest fear of criticism, trying to blame themselves for all the problems of those around them.
How to get free from the good girl syndrome?
Getting rid of the syndrome is difficult, but not impossible. First a girl needs to work on her own self-esteem. She should stop looking around and seeking their praise. It is necessary to begin to praise yourself.
You must learn to let go of aggression. Holding negative emotions in the soul all the time is dangerous. This style of behavior can lead to an “explosion” in the future. Out of the man will fly all the negativity accumulated in it for months or even years.
A girl has to learn to distinguish between constructive and destructive criticism. The first indicates mistakes and gives an opportunity to develop. The second is directed only to strike a blow to a person’s self-esteem. It is necessary to separate your own self from the rest of the world. It should be understood that your well-being and psychological comfort should not depend on others.