I work as a family psychologist. Men come to me almost regularly for counseling and share similar stories: everything is bad with their wives, relationships are falling apart, there is no intimacy, the spouse directly scolds and insults her husband, or does not put her in anyone’s shoes at all.
As a rule, men come when it is hard to correct the situation (although it is possible), because for a long time do not notice how the respect and admiration of the woman for him falls. Unfortunately, this happens unnoticed, but almost inevitably, if they don’t know how to negotiate and set boundaries in communication.
In this article I am not trying to figure out who is to blame and who is not, and why this happens, I just want to share specific signs of disrespect. It will be good for both men to think about whether they want to fix something, and for their wives to stop being silent and talk about the problem.
1. Irritation from a man’s problems
The first warning sign is a noticeable irritation when a man begins to share his worries, doubts, problems. At such moments a woman does not want to support him, and on the contrary – the accumulated anger pours out on him. She can often say: “stop whining/complaining”.
2. Interruptions in conversations
Quarrels and conflicts are an inevitable part of our lives. But in couples who respect each other, the man and woman calmly listen to the other person and then talk.
If a woman does not appreciate her husband, she often interrupts him. She thinks he is saying unimportant, insignificant things.
3. Negative assessment of her husband’s desires
When a woman disrespects her husband, even after listening to him, she criticizes his desires unhappily and claims that they are unimportant, unnecessary, wrong. This is often done in an unquestioning and harsh manner.
The man may be hurt by this, and he may simply walk out of the argument or even out of the house.
4. Ignoring a man’s rules
One of the most important points. It happens that the man as the head of the family establishes some specific rules, how the children, guests, parents should behave in the house. But the wife may ignore these rules or quietly break them. This is a clear indication that the wife is disrespectful of her spouse’s demands in such situations.
5. Constant attempts to protect the children
“Don’t yell at him/her”, “Don’t touch him/her”, “Go away, I’ll deal with it myself” – all these phrases show that the woman wants to protect the child from her husband and against his influence.
This is an extreme point, after which one should seriously think that there is something wrong with the relationship. The woman here doesn’t just disrespect her husband, she doesn’t trust him and believes that he has a negative influence on the children, which is why she needs to remove him from them.
6. Smirk (pulling back the corner of the lip)
This is a small addition that manifests itself in a specific facial expression, namely a smirk where only one corner of the lips is raised. Basically, it is an expression of contempt, a social emotion, which means explicitly disdain or disrespect.
In 99% of cases, contempt indicates marital disrespect.
These are the signs that will help you see that the organism called “family” is failing. As I’ve written before, I’m not going to evaluate who is right and who is wrong (usually both), I have other articles about that.