Why do caring parents have ungrateful children?

Why do caring parents have ungrateful children?

There is such a vulgar plot in the melodramas that I used to watch, but now I don’t anymore:

A daughter or son is looking for a bride or groom for his parents. And somehow everything works out fine the first time, at first sight. Everything is beautiful and sweet.

I don’t believe in that kind of lurid fairy tale. The English proverb says it right:

“You have to kiss 99 frogs if you want to find your prince”.

This is not an easy thing to do. It takes bumps, disappointment, despair, and then fate has mercy on you and sees that you took the crown off your head, and then tosses a good option.

But sometimes my single mother and grandmother pressure me so much with their attention, and not even with their own, but they crave my attention, that I am ready to register them on some dating site and marry them off. To whoever will take them. And let them be happy.

Such a letter was written to me by an acquaintance of mine via e-mail, knowing that I would understand her well. Because so many of us grew up without fathers. And everyone has a story like that.

And ask our mothers: “Do they have enough interaction with their children?”. And they will answer unequivocally: “No!”.

We will tell our parents that we are incredibly busy. But the fact is we just feel sorry for wasting our time on people we no longer need (even though our parents put their whole soul into us, stayed up nights, took us to doctors, ordered tutors, cried a thousand tears over our problems). These are the people who paid the ultimate price for the happiness of being a parent.

But what’s the bottom line? What do the kids accomplish? Most of them do some nonsense, most often on the Internet (even though they could have done much more, they’re talented geniuses), spend time with some inarticulate people, and don’t listen to valuable guidance!

Sound familiar?

Nowadays, many children who have grown up, exaggerate their busyness and simply pay off their parents attention with money.

I know a guy who sends his mother abroad three times a year, paying for her and her friend’s tour. And not because he has no time or no money, but because his mother requires so much attention to himself, which he is not able to generate. And he just “pays off” with money.

Let me tell you honestly: I envy those families whose mother lives with their father and grandmother with their grandfather. Who have somewhere to put their energy and pour their energy into, rather than demanding a life-giving source from other generations. And the more they demand, the less you want to pay attention to it.

I love my mother very much. She is very smart and strong. She made herself, grew up to be a boss, commanded a department consist of men. She bought three apartments in her life (which I can only dream of) and raised two children and a nephew. I admired her all my life.

I recently came to visit her. We’re drinking tea, and she’s telling me in detail about a TV talk show. I told her that this topic does not interest me, she took offense. She cried. Then she said everything that was piling up on her soul: that we did not see each other much, that I never called her, that we did not spend holidays together, that I was not interested in her health (thinking that it was as strong as 15 years ago, and it was not).

And do you know, dear readers, how this conversation ended?

My mother asked me to give birth quickly. She sayed: “It doesn’t matter who it was, as long as it was a healthy man, it’s too late for you, at your 32 years of age, to be picky”. She added that will take care for the baby from the first day, and I must do it, otherwise I will never have a baby. And as long as she has strength, she will help.

And do you know what I did? I turned my mother down. After that my mother called me an ungrateful daughter. She didn’t speak to me for a week (although we made up later).

Why was there such a reaction? Perhaps because many women over 50 dream of having grandchildren. For some reason such women are ashamed to just live for themselves, for their own pleasure. They want to put their energy into their grandchildren.

Of course, not all women over 50 are like this. There are those who do not want to hear about grandchildren, and asked not to call them grandmothers (because this status adds to their age).

In some cases it turns out this way: the woman is single, but there are forces, they are not wasted. At work there is pre-retirement stability, with men full calm, and girlfriends on their own (engaged in their families). But these women want attention and care, they want to give and take. Who to turn to? Of course, to their child (to whom they have given so much, sacrificed so much for his benefit).

In this case, women over 50 are very often faced with disappointment: a grown-up child becomes more independent, builds his own life and career, has a family and he is, of course, ready to communicate and see his mother, but not as sacrificially and selflessly, as she is expected and asked. And what do mothers think? They think they got less than expected, they feel they were cheated.

What do I think? If it weren’t for my exposure to classic literature, I would think that the older generation is capricious and going crazy. But I love a quote by the great writer Alexandre Dumas:

There are services so invaluable that you can only repay them with ingratitude.

To my deepest regret, this is the way it is and not the other way around. Children grow up and don’t need their parents anymore. Yes, it is cruel and inhumane, but it is the law of nature.

Of course, many children are aware of their parents’ contribution to their lives and success (and help them in every way possible), but there are also those who simply don’t care about their dads and moms.

When someone tells me about ungrateful children I am reminded of another brilliant quote:

Love your grandchildren. They will take revenge on your children.

That’s true. Your children are also destined to face this problem. So don’t blame them too much for not being responsive and considerate enough to you.

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