More than once I have encountered the question when a woman writes to me:
“Until what age do I need to be a full-fledged mother to my son, to help him, to protect him, to keep him safe? He is already 22, but it seems to me that he is still so small, unskilled, unintelligent. In addition, he does not earn! Maybe it is too early for him to move out of me?”.
So, until what age do sons need mothers? I’ll tell you two stories.
I remember this guy for the rest of my life. He was 34, but he looked 20 years old, was shy, looked at the floor, and stuttered a little. He complained that he didn’t know how to talk to girls, his job didn’t pay well, and he didn’t have any friends. He had a hobby – gluing samolettes. A harmless little mama’s boy.
When we talked to him, it turned out that he lived with his mom, she was his best friend, and she didn’t have a man. His father abandoned the family a long time ago, so the couple became fixated on each other. His mother did the laundry, cleaned and cooked for Miguel, and he delighted her with talks and jokes. That’s how they lived.
When I recommended that Miguel gradually prepare for separation and an independent life, he agreed at first, and then disappeared and never contacted me again. Apparently, my mother felt that her son should not leave her.
He, too, was shy, insecure, and modest. But he had a great desire to change that. He wanted to finish college and start earning money. He already had a part-time job, but of course he didn’t have enough. Eric lived with his mother, of course, because he seemed very young.
I gave him the same advice I had given Miguel – move out of his mother’s house as soon as possible if he wanted significant changes in his life.
Eric didn’t hesitate. He took another part-time job and rented an apartment. He didn’t even tell his mother where he lived (so she wouldn’t go and disturb him).
Within a few months Eric had a girlfriend. He got a good, full-time job, and then he started his own business. And in three years he was already a married man who bought an apartment. Now he’s saving up for a car and planning a baby.
These are two similar guys with different destinies. Do you know what the difference is? One’s mom was able to let one go at 22, and the other couldn’t do it at 34.
I think a mother needs her son no later than the age of 23, and then she should wish him an independent life. Otherwise no one will be happy, neither she nor her son.
My advice to mothers: Whether you like it or not, mothers raise sons for another woman. That’s how life works, that’s how nature intended it. It is important for you to understand that he will not stop being your son when he gets married, he will help you, take care of you somehow, but he will be “else woman’s man”. Only in this way will he become independent, responsible, goal-oriented and be able to achieve something in life.