Greetings, dear readers of the Optimist blog.

Today I want to give my thoughts on a very controversial topic: “What is cruelness and what is hardness? When are they appropriate and when are they not in the behavior of men?”.

There are many arguments and discussions on the Web today about whether a man should be cruel or not, whether he should be in conflict, whether he should be aggressive, etc. On the one hand, the mass media (Hollywood in particular) imposes on men to be aggressive and brutal, but in life, this pattern rather scares people away.

Modern society literally pits men against each other: “fight, compete, battle for your success”. But not all men like it. Some just do not want to stress, to have the extra tension and pain that inevitably arise when competing.

Who’s right?

It is obvious that being weak is certainly not beneficial. After all, in any case, men need to be able to stand up for themselves and take risks. But how not to go overboard? What kind of man should be: kind and calm, or aggressive and angry?

I recently came across a great quote from a 60-year-old professor, Jordan Peterson, who is a renowned scholar in the field of male psychology. This quote really impressed me:

“One might think that he who is incapable of cruelty is far more noble than he who is. But you would be wrong. If you are incapable of cruelty, you will fall prey to one who is capable.

You cannot respect yourself until you have grown teeth. When they do, you realize that you are seriously dangerous. Then, you begin to treat yourself with respect, and then others begin to respect you, too”.

The main point I made to myself is that any man who does not know how to be cruel is mostly naive and weak. And a man who knows how to be cruel is dangerous and respected. This does not mean, of course, that you have to be cruel all the time. Certainly, kindness and compassion are very important. But one must BE READY to be cruel when necessary.

This is the key difference between a weak man and a strong man. The former are not respected because they have no teeth, no muscles, and no strength. The latter are respected because they are serious and dangerous and can show “their teeth”.

Most martial arts teach this: teach you not to fight, but teach you to be peaceful. But if you have to fight, show your arsenal and win. You can respond aggressively and confidently.

By the way, that’s why people like to watch anti-hero movies, action movies, where the hero kills everybody. Because it’s a way to unite with your inner “monster” who craves violence. But at the same time to curb that monster and remain a good person.

Emphasize it! The ability to curb! And here we come to the hardness of man’s character.

Cruelty or Hardness

If you want to be respected you don’t have to be tough all the time. But you do need to be constantly hard on your ambitions and goals.

The cruel men are simply not appreciated, not loved. Yes, they are feared, but avoided, no one wants to deal with them. Why not? Because cruelty in life is an extreme measure, it is resorted to when other methods have proved ineffective (for example, diplomacy). And if a man is always cruel, it indicates only one thing: his lack of patience and intelligence.

Cruelty does not equal strength. You don’t have to be strong, smart, or brave to be cruel. Often cruelty is something that people who are totally or partially deprived of these qualities are content with.

But the hardness and the determination are another matter.

In the modern world, a male’s success depends more on his mind than on his muscles. You don’t have to swing your fists and appear formidable to be successful.

As a man with some martial arts experience, I’d say that cruelness slows progress, and the quicker you get away from it, the easier it is to learn fight. The better one concentrates, the better it manages the situation.

In conclusion, the image of the violent man is no longer as popular as it once was. Few people today watch action movies with Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Van Damme.

If we talk about developed countries (for example, Western Europe), there is a popular image of a sporty man who trains and is able to stand up for himself. But he must also be intelligent, sensitive. That is, he should be a “diplomat with fists”. But his fists and muscles must be hidden in a suit. This is a last resort. Aggression and toughness in Europe is atavism, is “mauvais ton”.

Alas, but many migrants coming to Europe view this image as overly soft, as a sign of weakness and inferiority. This is probably due to the fact that they come from countries with a distinctive culture, where men are allowed to do almost anything (even hit women). However, this is wrong. That is not the way a modern man should be.