He, She and the Mother

He, She and the Mother

Hi friends. Recently on one of the forums I read an incredibly wild story about a family relationships; about he, she and the mother.

It all started when an elderly mother offered to let her son and his wife live in her apartment. Not for free, for money. And then after three weeks she started making a million claims: it’s dirty here, the wallpaper is bad there, let’s change it, and you don’t take care of your child, and you don’t eat good food, etc.

One day son and his wife decided to have a romantic evening and drink champagne, but then again his mother intervened (she has the keys): she saw the bottles and started yelling and calling them drunkards.

At this point the wife couldn’t take it anymore and burst out. She said that they were actually renting the apartment for money and could do whatever they wanted. They started arguing, cursing, the mother called her son’s wife a bitch, and even managed to throw a mug at her (luckily, she missed).

I read the story and thought: “Wow! So hard! I hope the son has enough brains not to take his mother’s side and start reproaching his wife (for example: that she should be more polite to an elderly woman)”.

But no. The son turned out to be adequate: he got up and once again told his mother that they were renting the apartment for money, so they could do whatever they wanted and asked her to leave.

The mother clearly did not like this scenario. And this story began to smoothly turn into a “family thriller”…

The mother left, after which the next day she came in with her sister and her husband and started threatening to call the police (“You’re running a brothel here! Get out! I won’t give you your money back”).

What did the son do? In my opinion, he acted like a true man:

He just didn’t say anything. Then he and his wife quietly started packing up and moving out. Then he stopped communicating with his mother. He added her number to a blacklist on his phone (along with his sister and husband) and never spoke to them again.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t the son who told the forum about this story, but his mother. She shared it with readers because she felt she had been treated unfairly. She felt insulted and waited for an apology from her son and his wife. Opinions on the forum are divided. Some supported the elderly mother, while others supported her son’s position. Although the preponderance was on the son’s side.

Incidentally, after several months, the lady’s son never apologized to her. The family is destroyed, but who was right? I re-read this whole situation and try to analyze what happened here.

Between two fires

When a son lives with his mother he is always forced to live “between two fires”. On one side is his mother (who tells him how to live his life), and on the other side is his wife (who thinks that they with husband can do everything themselves).

There is a constant struggle between these two fires. The mother and her son’s wife are constantly fighting because they want to be the only ones in their son’s life. The mother may be tougher, may do instructing, commanding, but the sons usually choose the mother’s side. His protect mom in front of the wife, and the wife is powerless to do anything.

Why is this so? There could be different reasons:

  • The son is afraid to say a word against his mother, because he is afraid of conflict;
  • The son is afraid of hurting his mother’s health, because she constantly complains about it;
  • Or the son depends on mom financially (she gives him money all the time, or she even bought him an apartment), and the son feels obligated to mom, so he can’t actively confront her.

We can understand the mother, too. She only wishes her son good, although sometimes this turns into hyper-overindulgence and even harm to her son. The wife in this case is the “weakest link”, and if her husband does not protect her, there is only one outcome of such “family thrillers” – divorce.

Unfortunately, this is a fairly common situation today, which leads to frequent quarrels and misunderstandings. It is not without reason that there is a saying: “If there are two women in the house, then expect disaster”.

My opinion to this situation as a psychologist:

“Everything has its time. And if the boy has grown up, you have to let him go”.

May all mothers forgive me. But if you have a son, please don’t forget that no one needs “grown-up boys”, everyone needs men. Don’t condemn your son to the fate of a non-sufficient loser. Give your son the opportunity to live independently, make mistakes, choose the wrong women, losing money, choosing the wrong job, get drunk and fight. This is how masculine character is tempered.

After 20-25 years old son should not depend on his mother! Whether you want it to or not. He should be independent, even if he has a lousy job with a small salary. Even if his girlfriend isn’t an angel. But it’s his choice. It’s his life. He’s got to start somewhere. And you certainly shouldn’t patronize a man who’s already started a family.

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