I’ll tell you right off the bat: I’m a man. And I will judge from my own point of view.
I do not use Instagram, I do not have it on my phone. It is well known that it is the main women’s social network, which influences the minds of women. So I decided to give it a try and installed Instagram. And for the sake of the experiment, I decided to subscribe to all the blogs about women’s motivation and success.
After only a few hours of scrolling through the feeds, I was shocked. Here are just a few quotes from the posts that I saw:
- You must be strong and independent woman! That’s the only way you’re going to succeed;
- Men cheat, so develop your intelligence and don’t trust them;
- Weak women are taken advantage of, so you must be strong;
- Strong women are not a credit to themselves. It is the shame of men;
- Do you want a strong man? Then you yourself must become a strong woman;
- A strong and independent woman does not need approval. She doesn’t need a man’s support, because she already knows what she wants;
- Women are a special nation, strong and resilient in all circumstances.
And it appears in the Instagram feed almost every 10 posts! I want to ask you, dear women: “Do you really think becoming strong and independent will solve all your problems?”.
Today almost all women want to be strong and independent. Personally, I think this is a bad idea because everyone has their own role in society and family. Men are breadwinners (strong and independent), women are keepers of the home (weak, gentle and dependent). This is the only way to achieve harmony. If you decide to become a strong and independent woman, do not be surprised that men will “run away from you like from fire”.
Today many psychologists sound the alarm because modern women have become too strong and independent natures, used to achieve everything by themselves. They do succeed in everything brilliantly: education, career, hobbies, leisure, friends. But in their personal lives, most of these women are in trouble.
Why does this happen? Let’s get to the bottom of it.
Struggle for leadership in a relationship
Strong woman often do not want to take a subordinate position in the family, because she used to be a leader. But this type of wife is avoided by most men.
The situation is no better if a strong woman chooses a strong man. Why? Because such a man will still need to show his leadership qualities in the family, and eventually the fight will begin again. In the end both sides, not being able to agree, disperse or divorce.
There may be another scenario: you find a man who is ready to obey you, but he is weak in character. He lives with you just because you like to lead, and he got used to be under someone else’s command (so he calmly and comfortably). Such a union can last a very long time, provided that you will respect your man. However, as practice shows, strong character ladies do not accept the weaknesses of their suitors.
Of course, there is another version of the relationship – when both partners are equal. They make decisions together or take turns, no one is trying to enslave or force anyone into submission. This is the ideal relationship for a strong woman, requiring her to compromise as little as possible. However, it is far from easily achievable.
Increased demands and the “boss syndrome”
Instagram is filled with images of business-minded, goal-oriented women who work hard and earn a lot and know how to manage men. Such ladies have a cute smile on the outside and steel on the inside.
Such women are hyper-paired and hyper-responsible. They take responsibility for their husbands, for their children, for their grandchildren, for their colleagues, for their boss, for everyone. As a consequence, such women develop an increased demand for themselves and those around them. Men who live with such women are forced to listen to regular teachings, admonitions, and advice about what should be done and how to live correctly.
It also happens that the husband consciously accepts the position of the weak man. Then such women begin to voluntarily take on a huge number of obligations. Husband does not want to do repairs? I’ll do it myself! Need to take out the trash? I’ll take it out myself! Not enough money? Will work late. That is, a woman takes over a man’s duties.
In this situation, too, there is nothing good for the woman, because it is impossible to control everything alone, and behind it all is a shadow of hyper-anxiety. This anxiety is invisible until it turns into pathological fatigue, dissatisfaction with her husband and relatives, neurosis and emotional breakdowns.
This is why most strong and independent women cannot find the right man and build the relationship they want.
What to do if you find yourself in this situation?
My main advice as a family psychologist would be this:
If you are a strong woman, then leave your strength and independence at work, but in the family become weak, fragile, soft, gentle and dependent. That’s what men want.
Do you agree: you don’t have to be a strong woman all the time? Even at work. After all, sometimes it is better to be flexible and give in order to get what you want. Similarly, this strategy works in family relationships. You should be able to adapt to the man, consider his wishes, to reckon with his opinion.
Do not think that such behavior you show your weakness. A woman’s true strength is precisely in her weakness.
Pay attention to the familiar to you so-called “weak women”. Analyze their behavior. If you examine them in detail as individuals, you will find that many of them are actually quite strong and independent. They can work hard, make a lot of money, drive a car, even do minor repairs around the house. But they always cede all these responsibilities to the man. They just don’t show their abilities. So don’t be afraid to look weak and helpless.
You like it when someone does things your way. Men like it, too! And, of course, if you’re in love, you’ll want to make your man feel good. So give in to him!
This does not mean that you will always do what he wants, but if he gives you the same compliant, why do you keep pushing him? Again, take a lesson from experienced married ladies. They can frame the situation in such a way that the man, while doing everything to please their wishes, thinks he wants the same thing himself or thinks that his wife’s idea belonged to him.
You’ll say it’s all too subtle and cunning is abhorrent to you. But have not you resorted to the same techniques with clients or colleagues at work? Cunning doesn’t always mean deception; it’s more like diplomacy.
You need to moderate your demands on the man, you need to trust him and more often to ask for help. Try to gradually shift some of your responsibilities on the man. Believe me: he can handle it and figure out what’s what. And you finally relax and get rid of unnecessary stress.