Usually we think that since friends are the people closest to us, we can share everything with them. Or almost everything. But, in my opinion, there is a very different kind of friendship between people now than there was, say, at least 50 years ago.
Now people are friends because of social and economic reasons, or just for the sake of an interesting pastime. That is, the very essence of friendship: to be people close in spirit and to have common values is lost today.
Friendship between people today has become more like a profitable mutual settlement. And if you are not a useful person with resources and connections, or don’t have the same interests as most people, you are unlikely to make friends. And accordingly, sharing something heartfelt and personal with such “friends” is not something you really want to do.
But even if friendship is real, there are still two dangers that people forget when they tell friends about something. And about them I will quote the famous wise man Osho.
In these quotes Osho refers to Machiavelli (they say he is the author of these words). But I’ve looked through Machiavelli’s books and didn’t find these quotes, so since I met them in Osho’s talks, let them be his. Besides, these quotes will not lose their value and meaning.
“Never say anything to your friend that you would not say to your enemy, because someone who is a friend today may become an enemy tomorrow”.
This phrase reminds me of Machiavelli’s instruction to the princesses of the world in his great work: “The Prince”.
Everything in this world is temporary and has its opposite. Love very often turns into hatred, and friendship into enmity. This is why Buddha once said this profound thought:
“I have no friends because I have no enemies”.
That is, Buddha went beyond the duality of relationships – he began to treat all beings equally: with love and friendliness. Our friendship, on the other hand, is focused on specific people, so it has the potential to turn into its opposite, i.e., enmity.
And what is the best thing not to say to your friends based on this advice? I’ll tell you from personal experience:
- don’t reveal your so-called “skeletons in the closet” to people;
- don’t say anything bad about your other loved ones or complain about them.
Why? Imagine that with you long ago happened a delicate situation (even 5-10 years ago), or you said something bad about someone in a fit of anger, and then a friend reminds you of it.
And in general, it is better to keep all the innermost (define yourself what it is for you) – it’s yours, personal, you do not need to disclose it to anyone.
“Never say anything bad against an enemy, because tomorrow he may become a friend. Sooner or later he will find out the truth and you will be embarrassed and ashamed”.
This advice is especially valuable if you need to take the side of your friend who has a conflict with close people or with his comrades. There is a high probability that he then will make up with them, but you will find yourself in an uncomfortable situation, where you can be put “guilty” and remind you of everything you said.
So be careful with your judgments, because relationships with people are a very fickle thing.
That’s all. I wish you faithful and good friends!