I work as a family psychologist and one day a woman named Cheryl came to me with the following problem:
“I have a husband, and I have a best friend”, says Cheryl. “Everything is clear with my husband, and my best friend is with me for many years, I trust him. We discuss all my worries with him”.
I’ve always been amused by such statements. What is in that woman’s mind? How else can you have best friends when you have a husband? Can’t he be the best friend?
Cheryl persisted. She thought that she could discuss everything with her best friend, but not with her husband. He wouldn’t understand, he would judge, he would laugh. But the best friend – he will definitely understand.
In my opinion, if a woman gets close to a man, it will inevitably lead to the fact that they will have chemistry, if there are no interfering factors. It’s just inevitable.
And that’s what happened.
One day Cheryl was chatting too openly with a boyfriend and it turned out that they were interested in discussing a picant topic (you know what). The boyfriend had wanted to talk to Cheryl for a long time, but was shy. Then the two of them hit it off. He shared his stories. Cheryl talked about her problems with her husband. They began to share their thoughts. And then they met.
“What happened once it doesn’t count”, Cheryl thought. But then she got the urge to talk to other men. A colleague from work. A friend from university. She realized that with her husband she lacked inspiration. But the handsome colleague from next door was interesting.
Her relationship with her husband was deteriorating. He fell into a depression, didn’t want anything, lay on the couch all day. Cheryl began to despise him.
At this point, many people would feel sorry for Cheryl’s husband and scold her with every word. But the real problem is that they are both to blame. They never learned to talk to each other. Why would the husband allow the existence of some best friend? I would have been strongly against it. Why didn’t he ask to be sincere with his wife? Why did he laugh at his spouse’s experiences?
After all, the fact that Cheryl was going off to share secrets with a friend meant that she was having a hard time with her husband. And it was her husband’s job to make sincere dialogues comfortable. Didn’t want to listen – so she left for someone else.
The husband is fully responsible, at his 50%, for the fact that his wife started cheating on him. And his depression and bad condition is 100% his responsibility.
What should be done in this situation?
- To divorce or not to divorce in the case of such “friends” is everyone’s business. But learning to talk to your woman, to hear her requests, her problems, so that she doesn’t run to her “friends” is necessary. This is obvious;
- Don’t blame the other half for everything, but learn to see your part of the responsibility. Acknowledge “yes”, if I had acted differently, maybe none of this would have happened.” Not just saying “women are stupid”;
- Not to run from conflicts and quarrels, but to learn to solve them as constructively as possible. Understand that the resentments and worries that he has in the process of quarreling with his wife are emotions that prevent him from thinking constructively. You can take a break, calm down, but go back to the conflict to resolve it.