I work as a family psychologist and recently a woman came to me with this problem:
“I dated a young man for about a year, then we broke up. He was the initiator. He said that he allegedly had grown cold towards me. After a while he started to send messages and call me.
I decided that he had changed his mind. Now we see each other sometimes, but the relationship is unclear, whether we are together or not. I asked him if he wanted to start a normal relationship again. He said he wasn’t ready. But for some reason he keeps calling me. What for?”
This is an interesting situation. Let’s look into it.
But my first question is to the woman herself. Answer me this: your ex-boyfriend says directly that he is not planning to resume a serious relationship. Why are you answering his calls and texts and agreeing to see him? You have no prospects in this case, so why do you keep wasting your time on him and secretly hope that one day something will change? Wouldn’t you rather spend that time doing something useful, like looking for someone more suitable?
Your ex probably hasn’t found a new relationship, and as long as he’s single, he’ll keep calling you from memory. He uses you as an alternate airfield, realizing that you are still attached to him.
The fact that you have not forgotten him and that you agree to see him is a comfort to his ego. He knows that at any moment he can come back to you, and you will take him back. In this case, your feelings, he does not appreciate and actively manipulates them. Why do you need such a man at all?
If a man doesn’t appreciate you, there’s no point in wasting your time on him.
Break that connection without regret: don’t meet him, don’t answer his calls or messages, block him everywhere you can. Stop giving him your time and energy!
Be prepared for the fact that after a dramatic change in your behavior, he will try to repair the relationship with you. He may even promise that he will try to start over. Don’t be too quick to believe it! There is a very high probability that after returning you and making sure that you are again attached to him, he will either start his manipulations again, or you will soon be waiting for another breakup at his initiative.
Do you need this emotional swing? If not, cross this young man out of your life completely and irrevocably. A man who does not love you and does not respect your feelings is not worthy of your attention.
Remember: more often than not, men are bothering “exes” with calls simply because they feel bad about their “current” ones. But that does not mean that this man will not betray you again.
And so that more such candidates will not be attracted to you, start working with your self-esteem (because problematic relationships indicate that you have a problem with it).
To be loved by others you must first love yourself. Direct all your love to oneself: give yourself compliments, praise yourself for various achievements, spoil yourself with nice gifts, learn to defend your interests and say “no” where necessary.
When you learn to love yourself unconditionally, you will start to attract decent men and relationships will be more harmonious and stable.