How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

Every one of us has been resentful of someone at least at once. It could be an innocent childhood grudge or a serious emotion experienced in adulthood.

We all know that it is not good to be resentful. It is just not productive and has a negative impact on ourselves. But what do we do if a grudge is buried deep within us? How to get rid of it? About this we will tell in this article.

Why you shouldn’t be resentful?

Resentment is a very harmful and painful emotion. It makes us feel sorry for ourselves and literally “burns” all the good out of us from the inside, sucking out our vitality, fogging our thoughts and weighing down our heart.

Of course, the reasons for a resentment can be different. It can be an imaginary grudge (when it’s just a phantom in your head), or it can be a very real hurt caused by someone close to you, an unfair attitude toward you at work, an insult by a stranger on the street… It can be anything. And the desire to be offended in that case is a perfectly natural reaction.

However, resentment is not the solution. Being resentful of people is a path to nowhere. It is the most unhelpful of the range of possible human emotional reactions! Bitter feelings of resentment, underlying anger, and vindictiveness do not help in resolving conflicts, but only fuel them. But even worse, these negative emotions focus all of your attention. You stop thinking soberly, which is bad for your work and relationships with people.

What can we do to avoid resentments?

We must remember that it is much easier not to be offended at all than to try to forgive someone after some time.

Of course, many people would say that it is impossible not to be offended at all in our lives. Today are such times – “man to man is a wolf”. All fighting for money and a better life, no one cares deeply about people’s emotions. Some people are insulted, others are offended, it happens with everyone. It happens all the time, from early childhood to old age.

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

Many people condemn the idea of forgiveness because they see it as weakness or an unwilling agreement to forget the insult. But it is not. Experts in psychology recognize that it takes a great deal of courage to overcome resentment.

As Mahatma Gandhi said: “The weak do not forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong”.

When a person is offended, he or she experiences strong negative feelings: anger, frustration, hatred, depression… This plume of negative emotions can poison our lives for years, destroying us mentally and physically. On the energy plane clots of destructive energy are formed, which later turn into real diseases.

Above all, unforgiven resentments affect the heart, blood vessels, digestive and reproductive systems. By learning to forgive, you will not only regain the joy of life, but also guarantee yourself good physical and spiritual health.

Imagine two situations:

  • You accumulate resentments for a long time, turning into a frustrated, weak subject, constantly getting discouraged and depressed;
  • You forgive your abusers easily, becoming a spiritually mature person who moves confident toward your goal.

Which pattern of behavior is closer to you? Undoubtedly all choose the second option, but do not know how to do it. Meanwhile, there are many effective ways not to be offended. We have selected the best of them, which will not remember the offense and go through life with a light heart.

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

7 effective ways to forget a resentment

1. Letting the situation go

Of course, you want the offender to crawl on his knees, asking for forgiveness and the opportunity to make amends. It does happen sometimes, but unfortunately, very rarely.

Admit that you feel hurt in the “here and now”, but you can’t change what has happened. A person cannot undo the past, but they can learn to undo the future! Only take concrete steps if you want to change yourself.

2. Working with egoism

The most resentful people are those with huge egos. Try to lower your pretensions to the world and the people around you. Religion teaches us to get rid of pride and to be a humble person. If your credo is “God’s will for everything,” no offense will penetrate your heart. It is better not to be offended than to think later how to learn to forgive. Remember that an angry, rude person offends, first of all, not you, but himself, diminishes his dignity, shows his lowly nature.

And here it is important whether we know how to control our anger? How do we behave in a conflict situation? If we are offended and start to argue, the quarrel will ignite like a fire, but if we are silent and think about why it happened, it will go out like a candle. Of course, only a few people can control their emotions, so if a snake-hate has already crept into your heart, try to get rid of it quickly.

3. Writing a letter to the abuser

Pour out your feelings need to free yourself from the inner poison that poisons the offending person. Choose a place and time when no one will disturb, and frankly put on paper all that pains in the soul. Describe in detail your suffering, how you hurt and how hard it is. Try to give your soul some kind of catharsis, perhaps you’ll start to cry or swear at the abuser bad words. Now is the time to throw out all the negative that you were carrying in your heart.

You can not be shy in expressions, you don’t need to send a letter to the addressee, otherwise the consequences of the relationship will be unpredictable. Finish the message when you feel the inner devastation and realize that you have expressed all that you wanted.

Then wrap the letter in an envelope and leave it for the night in a secluded place. In the morning, get rid of it in any of the possible ways: tear it into small pieces, put through a shredder… The best way is to burn it. Fire, in itself, is a purifying element. As you do so, visualize that all emotional garbage is transformed into ashes.

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

4. Turning Disadvantages into Pros

Let’s turn again to the written method. Divide the sheet with a vertical line in the middle. On the left, describe the negative aspects of the offense; on the right, the positive ones.

For example, because of a personal conflict with your boss, you were unfairly dismissed from your job. Can you learn to forgive the head of such a situation? Let’s look in detail:

  • Cons: You were left without a job, there were monetary problems;
  • Pros: In your new job you avoid a contentious relationship with the boss. You have learned for life that it is not worth it to conflict with the leadership.

The positives of this situation outweigh the negatives. From the temporary disadvantage, you managed to extract wise edification, which will positively affect your future career. If hurt feelings continued to harass you, thanks to this method, you will learn how to get rid of them. In such situations, it’s foolish to be offended by specific people, just with their help, fate teaches us useful lessons. If you manage to realize what useful lessons this situation gave you, there was a clear energy shift that transforms the energy of resentment into forgiveness.

5. Smashing dishes

This method is a wand-help for those who experience intense anger at the abuser. The practice does not have to be done at home, pounding your favorite bowls and plates. Some centers have been providing such services for a long time. You can buy the cheapest plates, find a deserted place and party there.

On each bowl write the name of the offender who pissed you off, or list all the offending incidents from your life. Accompany the ringing of flying splinters with a martial shout, which can be borrowed from oriental practices.

For all its comicality, this method works. The method is based on a technique of releasing adrenaline, which is accumulated when offended. Another modification of this method is punching a punching bag. By investing the accumulated anger towards the offenders in blows, a person gets rid of it very effectively.

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

6. Dance till drop

Psychologists say that rhythmic music harmonizes our subtle fields, and if we move to the beat of this rhythm, we will increase the beneficial vibrations. For this technique, choose your favorite music that does not remind you of the person who offended you. In psychology, it is believed that African drums have the most powerful energetic charge.

Turn on the music at full volume and start dancing to spite all adversities and misfortunes. During the dance imagine that the negativity leaves your body and mind, and they are filled with light vital vibrations. Do not limit yourself to just dancing, if you want, shout, sing, cry, make any movements. This practice is called dynamic meditation and is used in some yogic teachings.

Dance until fatigue takes over and there are no thoughts left in your mind. In this way, you can learn not only to forgive, but also to get rid of other negative emotions.

7. Help the weak people around you

If the previous methods on how to learn to forgive do not work, it is likely that we are dealing with a serious case. It happens that a person is so consumed by his/her offense that the whole world collapses for him/her. In such cases, occupational therapy helps.

Become a volunteer! You can take care of the sick, the elderly in nursing homes, and children in orphanages. You will get to know and hear the stories of people who have been abandoned by their relatives, you will feel how hard and painful it is for them. How great is the suffering of a child left in an orphanage? He has not yet had time to do bad to anyone, and is already hurt by fate itself. But he does not think about how he can learn to forgive the parents who abandoned him, and he would do so gladly.

Compared with this human hopelessness, your offense will seem insignificant and empty. To learn to forgive, try to do something good for these unfortunate people. Help them in word or deed, and good will return to you a hundredfold. The essence of this technique is not only to downplay the importance of his grief. If you learn to give to your neighbors, rather than demanding untouchable status from life, the selfishness we talked about in the beginning will diminish. The villainess of resentment bypasses the strong of spirit.

What is the right way to respond to insults?

Another effective way to deal with resentment is to prevent it from arising in principle. That is, when someone insults you, you can immediately take a defensive position.

The offended person’s reaction always determines his position relative to his interlocutor. This is a very important psychological concept, the essence of which is as follows:

  1. If you remain silent and do not react to insults, you can put the interlocutor in an extremely awkward position, which he will sooner or later regret, because he acted as an inadequate person;
  2. If you respond to rudeness, responding in the same way, the interlocutor will remain in the most advantageous position, thinking that he did the right thing;
  3. If you respond to rudeness, but do not get into a verbal altercation, but only tactfully respond with a couple of words that are far superior to the interlocutor in intellectual terms, you can bring him into a stupor.

Each person chooses his own method of response to insults or, based on his own experience, develops his own strategy of behavior in each case. But psychologists recommend not to let such situations go on their own and not to be afraid to solve them on the spot. Thus, making the interlocutor understand that next time it is better not to do so.

Remember: Most of the time, a person who intentionally or unintentionally insults or condemns his or her interlocutor is only doing so to assert himself or herself. This makes the offender feel superior and more important, but only in his own eyes. After all, from the side he looks defenseless, petty and insignificant.

Psychologists recommend to take any insults, accusations and rudeness, as absurd stupidity, coming from petty people. One should not be offended in response, but laugh at what was said and at those who insulted, and then the interlocutor will be put not only in an awkward position, but also stupid. He is likely to be ashamed of what was said and next time he will think a thousand times before opening his mouth.

In this way we not only save the situation from heat and ourselves from embarrassment, but also perfectly put the interlocutor in “his place”.

How do resentments bind our minds? And what to do with them?

3 types of reactions to insults

  • To be insulted. This response expresses the offended person’s need for protection. They make excuses or respond with insults;
  • Accepting the insult and holding it in. The most dangerous type of reaction to the situation. In this case the offended person shuts up, retreats into himself/herself and for a long time can contemplate the remark of the old acquaintance. Such behavior gives the acquaintance the right to raise his or her self-esteem on all subsequent occasions as well;
  • Acceptance and exaggeration. In such a situation, the person who is tried to insult or humiliate begins not to be offended in response, but rather to exaggerate the words of the interlocutor. For example, an acquaintance says, “Wow, how did you get better?” And the interlocutor responds, “Yes, I’m doing it on purpose. After all, I don’t want to rattle bones like you!” as a rule, the offended person is not prepared for such a reaction and begins to justify himself that he did not mean it at all. This response puts the offended person one step above his or her interlocutor, thereby showing that he or she does not care about these words at all. Or by pointing out that it is precisely the defendant’s problem if he is so fixated on something.

Experience shows that the third response is the most effective in any situation where there are insults. It embarrasses the interlocutor. It also shows an inept attempt to elevate the other person by an inappropriate phrase that no one cares about but the person himself.

Many self-confident people and advanced psychologists in such situations use one effective police phrase, which puts the most aggressive interlocutor into a stupor. It sounds like this:

“What is the purpose of what you are telling me?”

And this phrase should be said with complete calm. And when the question is addressed to the manipulator, he begins to wonder why he said it. With the help of such questions you can control the course of thought and further conversation with an aggressive manipulator or just a person who speaks without thinking about the consequences.


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