Confidence is what attracts us to other people. We look at them, admire them, and want to be as sure of ourselves as they are. But it doesn’t always work out.
As a coach, I work with many womans, helping them to find their true selves and find their place in life. They are all completely different, but almost all of them very often have the same belief: They evaluate their potential in terms of how others look at them!
Their opinion of themselves is made up of other people’s judgments of them! But you cannot be self-confident, because then your self-confidence would depend entirely on what others have to say.
Self-confidence should be based on the inner world, not the outer.
I used to be like that myself, until I realized that confidence should be based solely on internal factors, not on external ones. It is always necessary to look for support inside yourself!
Often we destroy our own self-confidence when we do the following things.
1. Comparing ourselves to others
Even as children we are forced to compete with “mom’s friend’s son,” when another child’s achievements are cited and ours are devalued.
Parents usually do this out of good intentions to make us strive to be better, but such things only lead to a decrease in self-esteem and self-confidence.
What’s the right thing to do? You should compare yourself solely to your past successes and try to become better than your former version!
2. Not letting go of our past failures
Sometimes the bitter defeats of the past are so strong that they prevent us from reaching new goals. We replay these situations over and over again and cannot let them go.
It’s important to understand that failures are normal. They are like stepping stones that lead to success. You just don’t have to stand on them – you have to step over them! Focus on your goal and don’t let setbacks distract you from it.
3. Fear of being convicted
One of our greatest fears is the fear of condemnation. This “what will people say?” is sometimes more binding than any shackles. But in fact, it is up to us to decide whether or not we attach great importance to the opinions of others. And if so, why focus on other people’s chatter when we can shift the focus to our own dreams?
4. Confusion and not knowing what to do after our dream comes true
A very common situation is when a woman with whom we are working to fulfill her desire has no idea what her life will be like after she achieves her goal. It is as if after life does not exist at all!
Our brain is so constructed that it does not like the unknown – for it means the end of everything, i.e. practically “death”. And it will block such a situation – will start to prevent the movement towards this goal. It is always necessary to clearly imagine how you will live after the fulfillment of your dream!
5. Caught up in negative thinking
Numerous studies have already proven many times that only those people who are “charged on success” become successful. These are people with an optimistic outlook on life despite any circumstances.
On the contrary, if you start looking for excuses, feeling sorry for yourself, you become hostage to negative thinking, which only hinders you. All these limiting beliefs, doubts, fears, and other negative attitudes drag us to the bottom, preventing us from seeing the many opportunities that life offers for us.
Remember: Which way we think, that’s way our life turns.
That’s why it’s important to believe in yourself. Even if there is no result. Even if nothing is working out as planned.
Take control of your thoughts and concentrate on those that give you the power to move to the top, and not take away your energy and confidence! By changing the way we think, we change the reality around us!