Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

We suppose many of you have faced a situation where you have been treated cynically, rudely, and even cruelly. You wondered: “Why are they doing this to me?”, “Who gave them that right? The opinion of psychologists on this matter is quite tough, but fair:

Each person determines the boundaries of the permitted. If you are treated badly, and you continue the dialogue, then you deliberately belittle yourself. And it does not matter what your social status. Even if the person who offended you has much more power and money, he first analyzes his victims, and then he acts. The strong respect the strong and despise the weak. That’s why we are the only ones who dictate how we can and cannot be treated.

Respect yourself in any case and in any situation

Self-esteem and self-love determine our mental comfort. By denying one’s own identity, self-importance, worth, and faith, one cannot believe in one’s own strength and underestimates the level of one’s pretensions.

Self-esteem form the core of the personality. Our motivations, life goals, and aspirations depend on our level of self-esteem.

To understand how well you feel about yourself, answer the question, “Do you accept yourself as you are?” Or have you created an unattainable image, realize you are far from it, but don’t even try to get closer to your ideal self?

Here lies an extremely fine line in the understanding of self-respect. While the superego vigorously jogs in the morning, eats a balanced diet, reads smart books, never goes out of balance and never loses an argument, the ego mostly lies on the couch and watches TV after returning from a boring job. Self-respect in such a situation is out of the question. It is another matter if a person behaves as his ideal image could behave, or at least makes real steps in the right direction.

The conflict between the ideal image and reality will hinder self-esteem until you begin to overcome your natural laziness and engage in self-improvement. However, there is an easier way – give up the ideal image, lower the bar. Place your ideal image will be lazy and slacker, and you will merge into a harmonious union. It is unlikely that you will be proud of yourself, but perhaps you will stop worrying about it.

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

How to cultivate self-esteem?

First you need to figure out what you want to be. We are hope that you have such a goal. Because if you don’t, it’s too bad, and we strongly advise you to see a psychologist.

Suppose you already have an ideal portrait of yourself. What do you want to be? How do you correspond to it now? What efforts do you make to become a better person?

There is a simple technique to figure all this out:

  1. Take a blank sheet of paper and write down in a column the qualities our ideal ego should have;
  2. Go through the list and note the qualities we already possess;
  3. Look for what matched and what didn’t.

A lot of matches? The more there are, the higher the level of self-esteem should be. In other words, the closer the ideal, the more reason to respect yourself. By the way, an absolute coincidence of the ideal and the real indicates excessive self-confidence or low self-esteem.

Unconditional self-esteem

The second component of self-esteem is the basic attitude of “I feel good (bad) about myself. This belief does not depend on the opinion of others or on our real merits, it is born in early childhood, when only the parents’ evaluation matters. If this component prevails, one treats oneself with respect.

When basic self-love and the feeling that you are approaching your own ideal image are combined, self-respect is confirmed by self-esteem. This is the happy case where the personality becomes balanced, effective, and quite satisfied with the overall evaluation of one’s life.

Distortions occur if there is a lack of emotional approval of oneself with real accomplishments or, conversely, self-love is not supported by grounds for self-esteem. Feelings of unappreciation and resentment of life arise.

A perfect example of self-esteem is a lion in its natural habitat. Are there many who would like to test how strong he is? All he has to do is come to a new place, and all the animals start to tremble. All he has to do is growl and the enemy retreats.

So become a lion in your environment. No, we’re not urging you to be aggressive, just become the kind of person who makes you feel respected when you meet him. People, like beasts, are very sensitive to how much self-respect we have developed. Few people would think of making an unfortunate or vulgar joke with, or manipulating, someone who has developed self-esteem. Attempts are possible, of course, but they are stopped clearly and unequivocally.

In contrast, individuals suffering from low self-esteem periodically find themselves in situations where others abuse their kindness, humiliate them, and interfere in personal areas. The lack of self-esteem becomes a provocation for boorish individuals, leading to a deepening of the belief that “I am not worthy”.

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

How do we learn to respect ourselves?

We can’t change the people around us, so we have to change ourselves. Learn to be proud of yourself and give yourself reasons to be proud. One day you will notice how the internal position will manifest itself in the posture, look and expression. Do not doubt, those around you will appreciate the change, and you will like the change.

Only you yourself can assess the state of your self-esteem and understand how much work lies ahead. We can give some universal advice for starters:

  1. Don’t deny yourself. Accept yourself as you are. This is how parents love their children – of course, regardless of the features of appearance and character flaws. Perfect people do not exist, but there are people who are confident in themselves;
  2. Develop yourself. If you love yourself, try to improve yourself: read a lot, expand your horizons, work on yourself;
  3. Learn to love yourself. We’re not talking about selfishness, which is based solely on satisfying your own needs. But do not treat yourself as the enemy, allow yourself some liberties at least sometimes. Make a list of pleasures that you would like to afford. Maybe you’ll be happy to go shopping or take a bath with fragrant foam, or maybe you just want to spend the whole weekend at home reading a book. Don’t be too hard on yourself;
  4. Be loyal to yourself. Treat yourself tolerantly, do not be angry at yourself if something did not work right away, do not blame yourself mercilessly for failures. Try again, or more than once, and it will succeed;
  5. Find job to your liking. It’s difficult to respect yourself if every morning you have to curse the alarm clock, toddle to a hateful job and consider yourself a slave to the galleys. Change your profession if you have to, but do something that is to your heart. Once you stop making daily sacrifices, you’ll feel like a creator, and you won’t have to think about self-respect anymore;
  6. Take a “census” of your environment. Analyze how nice the people you interact with are to you. If you know there is someone you don’t like meeting, do what you can to reduce contact to a minimum. You will get rid of negative emotions, and stop feeling remorse from being annoyed all the time;
  7. Don’t fool yourself with empty promises. Learn to keep your promises. Promise yourself something, try to perform – you’ll have fun, and at the same time increase self-esteem;
  8. Do not compare yourself with others. You do not need to compare yourself with anyone – you’re a separate person, worthy of respect and do not need role models. If someone, in your opinion, worthy of imitation, assess their experience, analyze the actions, life principles. You can learn a lot from more successful people, but you do not have to compare yourself with them;
  9. Let go of your past. Forget your old grudges, forgive your abusers and wish them well. While you are continually revisiting past events, the present is passing you by. You are missing out on opportunities by continuing with arguments that have already been completed. It is a meaningless waste of time and energy.

Appreciate yourself, and if you don’t think you have enough reason to do so, engage in self-improvement. We can not always change the circumstances, but learn to live with dignity under everyone’s power. Don’t do things you’ll be ashamed of, don’t betray yourself, and be honest with yourself, so you can respect yourself.

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

Why it’s need to set personal boundaries for the bosses and colleagues at work?

Boundaries in relationships are an important element of communication not only in the family and among friends, but also at work. We use them to demonstrate our attitudes and principles to our colleagues, to show them what is acceptable or unacceptable for us. Thus we tell our surroundings how we should behave with us and what we can offer in return.

Work constitutes an important part of our lives. We spend the lion’s share of our daytime at work. Setting clear and understandable boundaries in working relationships is not a whim or a fad. Not only the comfort of the soul, but also the body depends on it. How is it? The lack of boundaries often leads to the fact that a person “sits on his head” – forced to work overtime, tossed someone else’s tasks. In this case suffers self-esteem, health, relationships with close people – what can be a positive mood, if you come from work angry and tired?

Establishing boundaries in working relationships is an important and necessary step. Without them, we are under constant stress because we don’t know what to expect from the people around us. We have to work too much and constantly find ourselves in unpleasant situations.

At the same time, having boundaries in working relationships allows you to feel confident in the team and enjoy your work. Thanks to them each employee has a clear understanding of what exactly he should do, a stable positive atmosphere in the team is formed. This contributes to high productivity, strengthens the team itself, employees are less likely to quit. Everyone knows what to expect from the other, the number of quarrels due to misunderstandings or awkward situations is reduced.

There is no doubt that boundaries in working relationships are necessary and important. But why then does not everyone find the strength to set them? Work is not only our financial base, but also a means of personal fulfillment. It significantly affects our sense of self-ego and self-esteem.

It is primarily because of this that we are afraid of losing our jobs, not because of monetary considerations. That is why we often do not dare to insist on our own, to put in place the person invading our territory. We are afraid that if we are downsized we will be “asked” first, that we will be considered “inconvenient” and get rid of first.

And since childhood we are brought up in this way – be humble, keep your head down, don’t push your rights. We are accustomed to the fact that you can not argue with the bosses and prove your point, that in order to advance in his career must be humble and perform all tasks assigned.

But the consequences of the lack of boundaries in the working relationship are much more serious than the imaginary trouble because you put in place the autocratic or teach the boor to respect yourself.

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

How to set boundaries in a working relationship?

Get respect at work is not difficult if you follow these rules (and, of course, clearly fulfill your job responsibilities):

  1. Speak directly if you think certain actions, tone, or statements are unacceptable. You don’t have to be afraid to express your displeasure, to slip into innuendo. Say simply: “You have no right to behave this way toward me. That’s enough;
  2. Set for yourself comfortable rules that suit you personally. Some people stressed by having to move the lunch break because of the pressure of work, while another person needs just 10 minutes to eat, and he was back in the fight. And he may even be bored to rest for an hour, and he himself is eager to continue working. The main thing is that your rules fit into the corporate culture and do not go out of the traditional range of work schedule standards;
  3. Don’t wait until “the last straw to drop”. If you see a problem, solve it right away, don’t be patient. The sooner you solve the issue, the less you’ll worry about it;
  4. Learn how to say “no”. If a colleague’s request or an order from your boss makes you feel uncomfortable internally, or contradicts your personal moral principles, refuse. But there is no need to be too rigid. There are people who feel comfortable behind a stone wall of intransigence, but they have few friends. Find the golden mean: demonstrate a willingness to fight back against a cordon breaker, but at the same time, do not turn into an angry and unsociable employee;
  5. Don’t make yourself look like a prude. If you’re at work just recently, the boundaries should be set gradually and periodically make concessions. It is important to have a list of inviolable principles. For example, you can indulge the fact that you will be asked a couple of times to stay late after work, but it never allowed to talk to you on higher tones;
  6. Be prepared to meet resistance. Setting your own rules is not always easy. Someone will try to bend their line, there may even be conflicts. There are those who honestly don’t care about others – no matter how hard you try, they will be rude, dump their work on the colleagues, to show disrespect. With them there is nothing you can do – you either have to tolerate them, or look for another job. The good news is that such rude people are not in all teams;
  7. Don’t hold grudges. Expressing dissatisfaction with the situation, always express your wishes, say what behavior you expect from others;
  8. Consult with experienced employees. Look at your environment at work and you are sure to find a wise colleague who manages to keep a balance in difficult situations. Let him tell you what to do, talk about the peculiarities of communication with certain people, help you find a way out of an unpleasant situation.

Attitude towards you is mostly depends by yourself

What to do if a boss or colleague has already overstepped the boundaries?

Unfortunately, this problem can no longer be solved painlessly. The aggressor has already had a “taste of blood” and will try to “drown” you at the first opportunity.

Trying to gently explain (trying not to spoil this precious relationship) that you don’t really like it when he humiliates you in this way will be pointless. Some aggressors sometimes even apologize for their behavior. But that doesn’t mean they will stop. They have already crossed the line and will want to try it again.

What to do with such people? The only option here is stop to communicate, to send them with a hard word. If it’s the boss, then quit your job. Mental health is more important than any money or career.

Normal people do not humiliate other people. It is impossible, even by accident. If a normal person misbehaves somewhere with you, he will immediately realize it (without your prompting), be horrified and compensate for his behavior in every way he can.

To correct something here is already late. You will be sure of the correctness of my words. If not at once, then after some time, when you will be tired of believing that you have imagined it again. When you accept this as the main rule, only normal people will be drawn to you. Who, too, have their personal boundaries delineated correctly.

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