There is a strange, invisible contradiction in our relationships with others: all people need and expect support from relationships with us, but we, too, need that emotional support and help! We wait for it, we seek it, we crave it, and we don’t find it. Suffering, right, has room to run rampant now. Everyone walks around each other hoping for support, and in the end, of course, no one gets any.
Our mass consciousness can be as archaic as it likes, cradling suffering and sympathizing with the poor, but in real life we will only be interested in us if we radiate optimism and inner strength. We ourselves, needless to say, will be interested in other people only when there is something in them to be interested in. But to sincerely enter into their tears, sufferings, and pleas for help is, rightly, the lot of the select few.
And so it’s no use complaining that nobody needs us. Because if that’s all we do: complain about our lives, no one really is interested in us.
And this is one of the major social contradictions. At first glance, weak people need more support, but in reality they will not appreciate it and continue to complain about how bad things are, while strong people will be more motivated and become even stronger after support.
This is why we should not feel sorry for ourselves and cherish our suffering, this is why we should be proud of being strong. If we have nothing to be proud of in this respect, we need to cultivate that missing quality.
But don’t try to be forceful, at some point you won’t hold out and “crack all the seams” at once. This energy should come out of you naturally. And to achieve this, you must to work on yourself every day.
We can be strong without such “exertion”, simply by being attentive to our loved ones and being able to take care of them. People are programmed to live in society. It is very rare that anyone can live alone all the time. We constantly need to be treated well (at least by our loved ones).
In this case we are sure to feel good and be able to cope with any difficulties. However, it takes effort to make this possible; right, first of all, it will pay off, and second, it is pleasant in itself – we are social creatures, after all.
In the end, if we don’t take care of ourselves, no one will take care of us. If we suffer and revel in our own weakness, there will be no one to blame. Others need us strong-that’s the golden rule of relationships. And he who knows it (and now you know it too) must take the first step – to give emotional support to the other, because that is the only chance – sooner or later – to get the help he is looking for himself.
But remember that the urge to be strong alone is a force of despair. Living with it is hard and not necessarily. It is the heavy burden of leaders, “their rock” and “their cross”. That’s why society needs to cherish and help those who are willing to be leaders.
Encourage the strength of the other, but follow them with a sense of your own strength (otherwise you will be a burden pulling back), and then everything you do – you do together, and it no longer matters who makes the first move. Others need us strong… even when we are led.
And there is nothing strange, unnatural, or selfish about it. Life is already too full of misfortunes and difficulties for anyone else to miss being with someone who sees nothing but his own misery all the time. Physical weakness is a trifle compared to psychological weakness; there is nothing worse than constant lamentation, demands, complaints, accusations and resentments.