How to forget a loved one forever? After all, parting is probably one of the most difficult trials in everyone’s life. The stress that a person experiences at this difficult moment, can not only absorb it completely and completely, not giving an opportunity to live on and move forward. Such a life situation can provoke a powerful nervous breakdown and, as a consequence, lead to a long and complicated depressive stagnation.
In this situation, it is important to realize in time the scale of the possible consequences of the problem and to understand for yourself how to painlessly forget your loved one and learn to exist without him. Accepting the very fact of ending a relationship is different for everyone, because everything is very individual. But the essence of the problem remains the same – it’s quite complex and intricate psychological process, which is given at times very difficult and can even have a tragic outcome.
Alerting signs of depression
In order to understand how to forget a loved one after a breakup and cope with your own emotional imbalance, you must first overcome the state of shock. It is necessary to give yourself some time to come to your senses. But it is important not to prolong this moment, which usually becomes a period of immersion in negative thoughts and blaming everyone and yourself for what happened.
This, in fact, is the terrible process of realizing and accepting the fact of separation: thoughts of how to forget a loved one do not even come to mind – everything is stuck on misunderstanding, the inability to accept the fact that yesterday a strong love union today no longer exists.
This kind of denial and opposition to reality usually leads to further depression. Its first signs signal alarming symptoms of a pattern of behavior of the sufferer close to a dangerous mental disorder:
- There is a methodical withdrawal into oneself. That is, there is a complete lack of desire to communicate with anyone at all;
- An appetite disorder is observed. That is, the desire to eat goes away together with the zeal to communicate with the outside world;
- Increased vulnerability and irritability is noted – if before it was possible to rationally assess this or that life, work or everyday situation, then during the period of separation and torment about how to make yourself forget the person you love, there is a complete restructuring of the thinking and conscious process in terms of heightened sensitivity and receptivity. A simple sandwich that has fallen butter down can bring one to hysterics;
- There is an increased process of self-criticism, blaming oneself and others for what has happened. The sorrowful feeling of own damage, uselessness and low self-esteem drives one into an apathetic state, prolonged by further depression.
It must be understood that such signs of falling into prostration must be resisted as much as possible and prevented from worsening. After all, the threat of a nervous breakdown may come to replace such a brain attack and an internal struggle with oneself.
What to do when you are on the verge of a breakdown?
You need to get the situation under control as soon as possible.
A nervous breakdown is an even more dangerous condition than the gradual onset of depression, because mood swings, outbursts of rage and irritation, and out-of-control affective actions can lead to unintended consequences, including attacking others or oneself. Suicide statistics are disappointing in their numbers, as quite a large number of people in the world have tried to end their lives due to their inability to overcome themselves and answer their own question of how to forget a loved one after a breakup.
On the eve of mental sabotage and a premonition of imminent nervous breakdown, when comes the feeling of this traitorous “on the edge” you need to gather all your courage in a fist and counteract a dangerous psychological disorder:
- Giving vent to emotions: crying, swearing, screaming and howling into the pillow. This will allow negative mental suffering to escape and to some extent ease the general moral state;
- Stop the flow of thoughts about one’s own fault or the fault of the other half, thus unloading one’s mind from the thoughts that the guilty one must suffer and be punished for what he has done in the form of physical punishment;
- Let relatives and friends be by your side at the time when it is particularly difficult to control yourself, and try not to shut yourself off from people who want to help you with moral support;
- At the moment of aggression try to switch your attention to something else: try to quickly switch on the TV and start understanding what a journalist is saying on the news or a cook is telling us in his cooking show; it is important to cut off the moment of peak rage and let your feelings cool down.
What shouldn’t you do during the breakup period?
In addition to the already stipulated prevention of oneself to the state of an emotional breakdown, it is necessary to set for oneself prohibitions on certain improper actions in the post-breakup period. Let us now consider what these prohibitions should be:
- Look for opportunities to resume communication with the initiator of the breakup. Neither calls, nor SMS, let alone sentries at the doorstep of the offender in the person of a recently close person should not be;
- Discover social networks in search of new information about the ex. There is no need to organize an Internet attack on the every second update page of the other half in a personal profile, it will only worsen the situation and lead in addition to paranoia;
- Imagine that you are “detective Columbo” and lead an investigation about the new passion of your loved one. This is quite a dangerous venture, because contemplation of his happy pictures and posts about his new passion is able, just the same, to provoke a fit of uncontrollable aggression and despair;
- Arrange surveillance. Waiting at home or at work instead of figuring out yourself and understand how to forget your loved one, if you work together, at least very stupid.
You have to look at things soberly and clearly understand the fact that if such drastic measures as breaking up have been taken, it makes no sense to try to bring things back by constantly imposing yourself and your love. This kind of action not only humiliates and embarrasses both parties, it further fuels frustrated feelings and pushes for more disappointment and suffering. The most logical thing to do here is to seek help from a specialist.
Recommendations of psychologists
If you find it hard to forget a loved one after a breakup, seeing a psychologist can help. This is a normal and not a shameful decision. Qualified help from a knowledgeable and versed in such matters will never be superfluous, on the contrary, will contribute to the rapid exit of the depressant from his state of deep despondency. And, most importantly, a psychologist will help to understand yourself and understand how to quickly forget loved one without moral self-injury and torture your own soul.
Psychologists’ recommendations are based on an analysis of the current state of affairs, taking into account the specifics of the patient’s consciousness and vision of the situation. This is not only a powerful support person with an objective opinion and his own vision of the problem, it is also a real opportunity to get out of apathetic prostration and get a precious answer to the main question of how to forget a loved one.
Tips from psychologist step by step justify the need to abstract away from the created unpleasant moment in the life of his ward, will allow you to return to normal life in a fairly short period of time. Usually this kind of problem is solved by a three-step method of stabilizing the emotional state of the patient.
There is no point in denying the fact that if you have already had to seek help from a professional, it means that an independent way out of a deplorable state of mind is almost impossible. Relying on the opinion of a specialist, following his recommendations, listening to his reasoned explanatory speeches and getting constructive answers to their questions, the sufferer who turned for help gradually comes to the answer himself to the question of how to forget a loved one.
The psychologist’s advice often demonstrates to the patient a model of step-by-step coping behavior by going through the three main steps to the pinnacle of self-control and regaining emotional peace for oneself. The three key points in a course of such treatment eventually lead to the stabilization of internal discipline and a planned correction of the patient.
So, the exhaustive model of knowing the answers to all questions is to go through three simple steps.
How to forget a loved one: 3 simple steps
Step one: Accepting the fact of breakup
What happened is what happened. It is necessary to come to the realization that all attempts to fix or mend the situation will be in vain, because they are not needed by the initiator of the breakup object in the couple. Stopping all attempts to return to the past and resume communication should be at the top of the list of tasks to be done. Not seeing, not hearing, not following, and not intruding are the foundations of a successful coming to terms with what has happened and being resigned to it.
Step two: Refocusing your thoughts in the right direction
Instead of suffering every day, thinking about how to forget your loved one forever, and getting discouraged about what happened, you need to move forward and focus on success in other things. For example, go headlong into work. Although many believe that this is not a solution, in conjunction with the implementation of certain recommendations of the supervising specialist, it does work. Immersing oneself in things that require active brain activity and a focus on the object of work quite easily displaces (albeit temporarily) depressing thoughts.
Another better option would be to devote yourself not to work, but to a hobby of your choice: drawing, knitting, modeling technical designs, active participation in sports training – all this helps to forget about the problem and over time replaces it from life as something that is not particularly important.
Step three: Finding fresh feelings and a new object of attention
As they say, you need to be able to turn the page and start over. Throw out the trash from your head and things that remind you of your ex from your nightstand – all this is an excellent psychological technique against constantly reminding yourself of the past. It is necessary to tune in to what is ahead. In life, you are waiting for a whole sea of pleasant events, vivid impressions, joyful emotions.
Finding a new object of attention is the most ideal answer to the question of how to forget a loved one after a breakup for good. So you need to close the doors to the past and open yourself to new feelings and new love.
Self-reflection and debriefing
In the process of passing the three-step methodology of the psychology course on how to forget a loved one, you unwittingly learn to analyze what happened not from the side of the victim, but from the side of objectivity. Common sense assessment of the situation that comes only with time, helps to summarize, weigh all the “pros” and “cons”, to identify the advantages and disadvantages of the former relationship and smoothly proceed to their gradual displacement of the life.
Abstraction from the Problem
Self-programming for happiness, focusing on a positive outcome, is very helpful in finding answers to the question of how to quickly forget a loved one.
By abstracting away from your own suffering and from the despicable act of your soul mate, you can make tremendous progress in eliminating intrusive thoughts and feelings of loss mixed with overwhelming despair. It’s like Allen Carr’s book on the easy way to quit smoking: you just need to understand for yourself that all the problems lurk in your head, not in physical cravings or moral addiction.
Finding New Feelings
Another powerful boost to self-healing and getting rid of thoughts about how to get over a loved one after a scandalous separation is to become more familiar with such a concept as adrenaline.
Nothing is more emotionally shattering than a visit to a park with extreme swings or rides for adults with free-fall jumps and similar activities. A burst of adrenaline helps to fill the soul-wrenching wound of excitement and mood-enhancing mass of positive impressions gained after such an unusual pastime.
Self-encouragement and Self-motivation
Returning gradually to life, you need to have a strong motivation and incentive to go forward. Getting a pet in the form of a dog or cat will help get rid of despondency in moments of loneliness: evening walks in the park with the dog will not only be necessary for the animal, but also useful for its owner, because fresh air has never hurt anyone. So there will be a daily motivation to “get out of his shell”, go out and open up to the world, rather than fixate on himself at home, lying under the covers and constantly crying.
Setting yourself the task of forgetting and letting go of a loved one and successfully overcoming it will help motivate yourself with your own attitudes. For example, set a goal of not thinking about the past today and reward yourself for this with a delicious cake at the end of the day. Small things, funny, but it works.
A cardinal change in life
And finally, and most importantly, you have to learn to strive for the best, to improve yourself, to do useful things and to make your own history. How do you forgive and forget a loved one who hurt you? It’s easy and simple – replace an old pair of shoes for a new one, change your boring hairstyle for a stylish fashionable style, quit your old job and find a job to your liking, change the old girlfriend for a new one – to find a worthy substitute for the one who hurt your beloved.
Forgetting a loved one, as well as coping with your emotions, can sometimes be very difficult. But the years-tested theory that nothing is impossible does not lie this time, either. In order to cope with your fears, overwhelm and despair, you just need to make some effort and, if necessary, enlist the help of people who can help you overcome the heat of passion and cope with your self-control.