Love and a happy marriage are among the key aspects of a happy and productive life. Unfortunately, no one is immune from adultery. However, the situation can be prevented if you initially do not give your woman a reason.
What is adultery for women?
Once there was a time when lovers were called people who felt tenderness or passion for each other. Often these people did not even enter into a sexual relationship, they had enough warmth and tenderness, which they gave to each other. Perhaps this is what gave rise to the amazingly touching poems and verses, songs and novels…
But somehow, quite imperceptibly, the status of such a person went from the sublime and beautiful to the more mundane and even forbidden. Instead of a spiritual connection these days there is only physical attraction between partners. But why do women have lovers? Out of boredom, out of curiosity, or out of a desire to fill their lives with thrills and drama?
There is no definite answer to this question. But we will try to figure out what makes married women take such a risky step.
How is female infidelity different from male infidelity?
From the point of view of male and female psychology it has completely different meanings – the appearance of someone on the side. For example, for men, going “to the left side” is just a search for something new and unknown, an attempt to diversify their lives. In turn, women are resolved to adultery in the case where they lack something from the other half. It may be financial, emotional or other needs. And the main reason, according to psychologists, is despair!
The main problem is the husband may not even realize what is happening, because the woman who cheats on him may behaves impeccably. She can be a great hostess, who takes care of herself, looks great, her self-esteem increases, she is always in a good mood, and she almost never nags her spouse. Only this is not because she overcame any internal barriers in the relationship with her husband, but because she simply enjoys an extramarital affair, from which she gets everything that is lacking in a marriage with her partner.
Let’s now take a closer look at the main reasons why women find and get a lover, and whether you can protect yourself from adultery.
If you are a man and you are reading this article, know that the information below will be painful for you.
Yes, we all love our wives and are faithful to them, and we expect to be faithful in return. We assume it won’t happen to us. However, if you believe the world’s statistics, adultery is a very common occurrence.
According to numerous studies by psychologists and sociologists around the world, from 29% to 41% of married women have cheated on their husbands at least once. Of course, it is impossible to get honest data on adultery, because many ladies simply keep quiet about their intrigues on the side. Nevertheless, we can draw a rough conclusion: every 3 wife dreams of having a lover.
Unlike men’s infidelity, women’s scheming on the sides is more lasting. According to the same anonymous polls, just 8% of wives cheated on their husbands only once, and in the future the infidelity was not repeated. But most of the women who cheated once, after a while, they continued to meet with their lover again or found another.
How long a love affair lasts on the side? It’s different for everyone:
- 25% of women interviewed admitted to having an affair that lasted up to six months;
- 60% had an affair with other partners for no longer than a month;
- 15% indicated a one-time relationship.
Every year sociologists study different aspects of family life, including how often women cheat in marriage depending on the country of residence. Here are some facts about adultery statistics in different countries:
- In England, 46% of women cheat on their husbands (much more men, only 26%);
- in Germany 42% of women have a lover;
- In Italy, wives have lovers in 34% of cases.
That is, the statistics for Europe as a whole are similar. If it were not for Arab countries (where the attitude to adultery is very strict and only 3-5% of wives admit to infidelity), the average rate of adultery would be much worse.
How often wives cheat on their husbands, says not only the statistics of surveys, but also the frequency of requests to detective agencies with such questions. The percentages of such inquiries are similar across the United States and Europe. Although suspicions are not always justified.
Experts say that almost 60% of the girls who have had an affair outside of their families have had feelings for their lovers, up to and including love! In addition, ladies who spend all day in the office are more likely to have an affair on the side, while women who work at home have this desire much less frequently. By the way, 57% of working women met their first lover at work.
As for age. Psychologists say: the average age of wives who have lovers is usually about 30-35 years old. That is, after about a few years of marriage.
Why do women cheat on their husbands?
According to the results of several sociological surveys, the list of the most common reasons for adultery among wives is as follows:
- New love (20%). For women in a relationship on the side, the emotional payoff plays an important role. Sympathy or even being in love with a new person can “turn a lady’s head” in such a way that she will forget about all the rules of decency;
- Unsatisfaction in bed (13%). If a woman systematically fails to enjoy herself in bed, she will think about finding a lover who will fill this need. And you need to focus on the quality, not the number of sexual acts;
- Revenge (11%). This most often occurs after the infidelity of her husband. Emotions can cause a woman to commit an impulsive and desperate act, which she often regrets later. Interestingly, among men, treason for revenge is much less common – only 1%;
- Long absence of a spouse (10%). We are talking about business trips and shift work, when the wife can live alone for several months;
- Low self-esteem (7%). Woman’s self-esteem insecurity can be innate or develop during the marriage. Through adultery, a woman proves to herself that she is still capable of pleasing someone other than her husband;
- Spontaneous adultery (6%). Usually occurs during corporate parties, parties, and holiday gatherings. Fun, holiday cheer and alcohol reduce barriers and it becomes easier to agree to a romantic adventure. Usually it’s the one-time infidelities that often make women feel shame and guilt;
- Routine everyday life, monotony (6%). The desire to make at least a little variety in the gray of everyday life can push into the arms of a persistent suitor. After all, romantic history, like in the movie will help to feel alive again, plucked from the cycle of household chores. Wives who have no interesting hobbies and no outlet in life usually go for this.
There is another fact that can encourage cheating. During the period of ovulation womens become emotional and windy. This happens because of the high level of estrogen in the blood, which is responsible for the continuation of the family. Estrogen pushes the beautiful half of humanity to look for a more suitable carrier of genes, which can help in the continuation of the offspring. If a woman is married, subconsciously she still tries to find a candidate better than the previous one.
It also happens that women are genetically predisposed to cheating. Scientists from the University of Queensland in Australia have come to these conclusions. During their work, they found that the cause of female infidelity lies in a DNA gene called AVPR1A. A carrier of this gene has a predisposition for love affairs. And it is active in both sexes.
But still the most common cause of adultery among spouses lies not in the field of physiology, but in psychology. That is, women usually seek and have lovers because of psychological dissatisfaction:
- Coldness and misunderstanding in the relationship. If the “heart-to-heart” conversations, joint activities, mutual respect and understanding disappeared, in such a family may think about another partner;
- If a woman is more uninhibited in bed than her husband;
- If a woman does not feel care and support from her husband;
- If the woman feels that the man is not reliable and cannot fulfill the role of the head of the family;
- If a woman saw in childhood how a mother is unfaithful to her husband.
Where do women usually find a lover?
Many jealous men forbid their wives to work and go somewhere without them, in order to prevent treason. And it turns out that there is a little bit of common sense in this. Surveys have found that housewives cheat on their spouses less often than working women.
More often than not, wives find romantic adventures:
- at work – 33%;
- on vacation – 35%;
- with a neighbor – 10%;
- on business trips – 4%.
Recently, women often find a new partner on the Internet: social networks and dating sites.
Reasons why women have lovers
Boring and monotonous life
Tip: If you want your woman to remain faithful to you, do not make her bored!
If a man does not devote time to his woman at all, is too busy with his business, hobbies, socializing with friends or the car, his wife is unlikely to wait quietly and sit at home, waiting for life to get better.
If the husband is at work all the time, married women quickly become bored. First they get girlfriends, then pets, and then … lovers. The more a man immerses himself in his own life, the more likely it is that his wife will start looking for a new passion. And with each passing day the spouses will be more and more distant from each other. The lost intimacy will be extremely difficult to restore.
Tip: If you want your woman to be faithful to you, be the best lover in bed for her!
Speaking about why women have lovers, psychologists say: the monotony of sex life almost always prevents a happy marriage. Of course, passion fades with time. Especially when people know each other well, are able to understand each other without words, the effect of novelty can disappear in their relationship. All the movements are brought to automatism, while being deprived of emotion. Of course, irritation accumulates between partners, begins to look for satisfaction, often on the side.
In this case, the situation can be saved: to do this, you need to frequently arrange a romantic couple, try to diversify sex life, in a new way to look at his second half. If a man is able to bring his wife pleasure, she is unlikely to think about treason.
Tip: If you want your woman to be faithful to you, don’t be greedy! Give her gifts, money, nice things. She should feel flawless and the most beautiful.
Loyalty in exchange for money may not sound particularly pretty idea, but it’s a fact – women love money, pretty dresses and shoes, jewelry. And if you don’t give it to her, someone else will.
Alas, but today many husbands believe that a wife is already their property, and therefore spending on her hair, nails, clothes and trinkets is pointless. This is a misconception. Thus you give a trump card in the hands of her future lover – it will be enough to shower your woman with generous gifts, and she will be conquered.
Tip: If you want your woman to be faithful to you, help her in every way at home.
Speaking of why married women have lovers, this aspect cannot be mentioned. Quite often legitimate husbands find their domestic burdens truly unbearable. Of course, taking out the trash can and washing up after themselves is energy-consuming. In addition, the daily monotony of doing the same thing can tire even the strongest of spirits.
However, women, too, sometimes find it difficult to deal with household chores. But an affair on the side is far from all the hassle: it is only romance and the thrill of sensations. Such a “love boat” will not have to break into household problems in everyday life.
Lack of support from spouse
Tip: If you want your woman to be faithful to you, always be interested in her problems and support her in everything.
Quite often a lady decides to commit adultery when she realizes that her spouse does not give her proper attention and support, increasingly ignores and accepts all the actions of the other half as a given. The same cannot be said about the man on the side: for him a woman is always beautiful, the most intelligent, interesting, bright and unusual.
There’s no longer the spice of sensation
Tip: If you want your woman to be faithful to you, don’t forget about romance: give her flowers, go with her to parks, cafes and movies, say compliments and beautiful words. Hug and kiss her, admire her. Be as in love and romantic as if you met her recently.
Of course, this technique may not work. Why not? Because you are trivial enough for each other. And here you have to make a difficult decision: either to save the marriage you allow each other to have lovers for a while (to get new sensations and spice up the former), or a divorce.
It is interesting to note that many experts in the field of family relationships welcome the so-called “consensual cheating,” when spouses take mutual pleasure in having affairs on the side. They then share their feelings and new experiences with each other. Of course, it may seem completely unacceptable to some people to have a new experience in bed on the side and then bring it into the marriage. But for some, this behavior is the norm.
There is a somewhat simplified version of how feelings can be heightened in a marriage: a wife simply wants to make her husband jealous, and to do this she has to openly flirt with men – right in front of her spouse.
Should a woman have a lover?
In modern society, there are very democratic morals. Some experts even have ideas that both spouses can have lovers, as this will this make the marriage stronger.
Our opinion is different: It is not difficult for a woman to find and have a lover, but it is a foolish and very risky thing to do. Why? Because you never know what kind of consequences it will lead to in your marriage. And the consequences can be very, very sad:
- Loss of trust between the spouses in the marriage. And this is a very important brick in the marriage. Without trust, no joint issues can be resolved;
- Loss of reputation in society. A woman may be subjected to ridicule and condemnation from relatives, acquaintances, colleagues, friends. Living in such a state is unbearable;
- Complication of life. Lovers always make women’s life more difficult. One has to hide this part of their life, spend more money on hotels and cafes, live on a schedule, run away from work, deprive their children and husband of care;
- Risk without a guarantee of happiness. Lovers don’t owe each other anything. Which means they can sleep with whomever they want;
- Health risks. The risks of getting a dangerous venereal disease increase many times over. Don’t forget the risk of pregnancy from a new partner;
- Of course, the biggest risk is the high probability of ruining your own marriage. And this is often completely irreversible. Husbands are very rarely able to forgive an unfaithful spouse and accept her back after she has secretly dated another man.
If you are a man, then you now know what usually pushes women to be unfaithful. And all you need is to follow the above tips and not give your wives a reason to look for a lover. No wonder there is such a saying “Who forewarned is forearmed”.
If you are a woman and you think: to cheat or not to cheat? Here the choice is yours. Of course, before that it is important to understand the real reason why you are thinking about it. Perhaps family relationships can be improved by simply talking to your spouse about the grievances and expectations. And sometimes the best way out is divorce. After that with a clear conscience you can start a relationship with anyone and without damage to your reputation, material and psychological health.