Learning how to influence other people is not easy. However, knowing the intricacies of psychology will help you learn how to do it. It will take a lot of practice, but in the end, the behavior we recommend in this article will become a habit. So, how to influence a person?
There are many ways to do this. However, the most effective advice is given to his readers by the famous psychologist and author of numerous books, Dale Carnegie. The methods and techniques he gives is very valuable. We will also discuss most of his recommendations.
How to become an influential person?
Is it possible to become an influent person and manipulate people? Of course you can. However, it is important to consider: you will not be able to hypnotize the right person. But it is quite possible to convince. And the highest degree of skill is to make him believe that he himself has made this decision. How to achieve this? First of all, you should build a relationship based on mutual sympathy. Self-confident people with eloquence and sincerity always gain the support of others.
Before you start practicing influencing others, think about why you need it. You need a purpose. Without it you are unlikely to achieve success in this field.
A smile is a powerful manipulative tool, because it makes people feel at ease with each other. It demonstrates friendliness and willingness to cooperate. We unconsciously sympathize with those who greet us with a smile. And we begin to smile infectiously in response.
However, the smile must be sincere. People subconsciously recognize falsity. In addition, a sincere smile affects your emotional state and raises your mood. It reduces stress and stimulates mental activity. So smile as often as possible.
2. Approve, don’t criticize
Dale Carnegie notes that the desire for praise from others is great. Consequently, if you want to win someone’s favor and willingness to provide services, you must show yourself to be a person grateful and generous to praise, rather than prone to criticism.
Abraham Lincoln, for example, often ridiculed his opponents as a young man. Until one of the people he offended challenged him to a duel. Since then, Abraham had learned to be more tolerant of the shortcomings of others. During the Civil War, when his associates spoke harshly of the Southerners, he even remarked, “Don’t criticize them. In similar circumstances, we would be exactly the same”.
It takes a strong character and even empathic ability not to judge others and to forgive their mistakes and imperfections. Never criticize someone unnecessarily, especially in the company of others.
Learn to praise people sincerely, thank them often, and apologize when necessary. A certain way of thinking about others will help you achieve sincerity. The poet and philosopher Ralph Waldo Emerson said that every person he meets is superior in some way. And one must always be willing to consider these virtues and recognize them.
3. Show concern and interest to the person
Benjamin Disraeli once said: “Talk to a man about himself, and he will listen to you for hours”. 🙂
People are primarily interested in themselves, so it is always nice to meet a person who shares this interest. Psychologists advise to talk less and listen more. Someone who can’t listen and constantly talks about himself is an egoist who can’t evoke positive emotions in those around him.
More often ask the interlocutor questions on topics of interest to him, and sympathetically nod in response to his remarks. Sigmund Freud knew how to show his interest in his interlocutor so skillfully that he would relax and tell about all his secret experiences.
Theodore Roosevelt prepared carefully before meeting a new acquaintance – he studied his hobbies, because he understood that the way to a person’s heart was to discuss his interests. Moreover, he also took the time to talk to the staff and learn more about each person. He knew the names of all the servants. The latter treated him with great sympathy. He showed people that he appreciated them-and he got much more in return.
4. Call the person’s name often
The sound of one’s own name is pleasing to everyone. Dale Carnegie believed that it is part of the personality and as if it confirms the fact of its existence. It makes the interlocutor feel positive emotions towards the one who pronounces his name.
Dale Carnegie also advises you to remember (or, better yet, write down) important information about the right people. For example, date of birth, marital status, number of children. This will help to win the favor of a person and have a significant influence on him if necessary.
5. Avoid controversy
It is said that truth is born in an argument. However, psychologists say that in practice, in most cases, each opponent sticks to his or her own opinion. Therefore, if your task is to influence the minds of people, an argument is an absolutely useless waste of time and effort.
By arguing, you are trying to prove the man wrong. That is, you think you are much smarter and more experienced than he is in this matter. And even if this is true, you degrade the dignity of the other person.
As a result, both sides have a conflictoriented attitude that easily escalates into a conflict situation. And it will not lead to anything good. However, you will part as enemies.
Dale Carnegie, when explaining how to influence a person, advises not to engage in controversy at all. Of course, you may also express your opinion. But be sure to add that it is only your point of view. In doing so, Carnegie advises to think more carefully about the other person’s opinion before heatedly proving otherwise.
However, if an argument is inevitable, try to remain cool and confident. Before the conversation, think carefully about your own arguments. Your opinions must be supported by facts that the other person cannot refute. Only then will you win the argument.
6. Admit your mistakes
Dale Carnegie advises to learn to admit your own mistakes. And you have to do it before the other person points it out to you. Quickly and decisively admit your mistake. So you satisfy his ego, and later he will decide to show leniency and graciously forgive you.
Carnegie himself once used his tactic on an officer of the law. He was found walking his dog in the park without a muzzle. However, Dale did not let him press charges, sincerely assuring him that he was very sorry for his misconduct and would never do so again. In the end the policeman let him go without a fine. And you must agree that it is much more pleasant to criticize yourself than to let others do it.
7. Take advantage of your opponent’s weakness
Note that a tired person is more susceptible to the arguments or beliefs of the interlocutor. This is because fatigue affects the level of mental energy, reducing it. If you ask a tired person for a favor, the response you’re likely to get is, “Okay, I’ll do it tomorrow”. The good news is that he is very likely to do it after all. After all, people who don’t keep their promises suffer from psychological discomfort.
If you need to ask someone for a favor, it’s a good idea to apply the rule of three “yeses. The first few lines you make should make the person want to agree with you. For example: “What a beautiful tie! Probably a branded thing?” After two affirmative lines your interlocutor will agree to fulfill any of your requests.
8. Reflect poses, words, and facial expressions
More often repeat after the interlocutor his own words, but in a different context. This will cause a flash of friendly affection for you. This technique is often used especially by psychotherapists.
Moreover, many people when communicating subconsciously begin to copy the behavior of the interlocutor, his facial expressions and gestures. This is the effect people have on others. However, this can also be done with a purpose. After all, people tend to be sympathetic to those who are similar to them.
9. Use your voice intonation
A person’s activity is influenced by his subconscious mind. You only need to get to it, bypassing the wary consciousness. To do this, psychologists recommend using the intonation of our voice more often.
Imagine that you are in a group of people who need to be tuned in to receive positive emotions. You start telling them about some neutral or funny event (watching a movie, talking to a child, etc.), especially emphasizing words like “pleasant”, “fun”, “relaxed”, with your special intonation. You can even pronounce them with an arrangement. People listening to you automatically try these images on themselves … and the atmosphere in the room is already much less tense.
The main thing is to make sure that your voice and intonation inadvertently do not give people a negative attitude.
How to have a negative impact on a person? Very simple: it is enough to emphasize by intonation words like “bad”, “sad”, “tragic” etc.
Now you know the seemingly insignificant factors that influence people. Such methods of manipulation are especially effective in the business sphere. When you have to interact with a large number of colleagues, knowing how to influence a person is very important. And you need to do it in such a way that he will not be caught in it. Now you know how to influence a person.
In your personal life, such techniques may also be useful. So boldly practice them on favorite people and watch what effect you can achieve.