Modern psychologists view politeness as a behavioral pattern. When a person is sensitive and polite to others, he or she builds more “helpful” communication.
However, some people take politeness as a given, as a way of putting their problems on “someone else’s shoulders”. Interestingly, there will always be those who want to help them. Some people, having solved a problem, willingly undertake to help acquaintances or colleagues who are in a similar situation. In other words, they take on some of the responsibility of others.
Often the interest shown out of politeness or friendship becomes the cause of unnecessary difficulties. In any team, there will be an employee who is called indispensable. But on closer examination, public praise can be a skillfully disguised manipulation of another’s abilities.
Is it necessary be always polite and solve other people’s problems? No! But how not to turn from a willing assistant into a servant? Read about it below.
How to politely say No?
Tactful refusal is a great opportunity to give up additional workloads without interrupting interaction with the team. Saying “no” should be done in a way that doesn’t make you one of the unresponsive workers. Experts suggest taking this important step with one of the techniques below.
After listening carefully to the request, express your willingness to act as soon as such important details are clarified:
- What obstacles may arise in the course of the work?
- Who, if any, should be contacted for further clarification?
- Which operations should be performed first and which should be left for later?
Conclude the clarification of the details, preferably with an innocent request: to voice the order of operations again, to avoid misunderstandings. After such a conversation, the opponent is sure to understand that he needs a more comprehensible assistant.
You can agree to a person’s request, but perform the imposed duties so that in the future no one will think of making a similar request. 🙂
You can agree to the person’s request, but you can also ask him for a reverse favor: that is, to transfer some of your work or household duties, which now you will not have time for.
Solving problems of others. How not to waste yourself?
There is nothing wrong with being a kind and considerate person. However, such people are willingly used by manipulators. Fulfilling one of their requests after another can bog you down in your own unresolved problems.
If too intensively show interest in the emotional state of others, and take their troubles as their own, you risk running a program of self-destruction. Experts recommend that such people learn to detach themselves from the negative impact of other people’s emotions, giving priority to their own.
Other people’s difficulties in life will deprive the volunteer of inner comfort if, in helping others, he or she cannot solve his or her own problems. Practicing psychologists suggest the following way out of the situation: imagine the people in the circle of contacts as casual fellow travelers. Now you can observe them and ask about the details of their lives, but do not take the information received to heart.
Allowing the other person to “cry on his shoulder” without disconnecting from the solution of his own problems in life, the compassionate person will not meet the expectations of others, but will not squander his own reserves.